I think it’s like a curse to engage with men who are not good for us, and yet we do.
The question is, why do not we just leave such a person when we realize that someone is toxic to us? Why can not we just pack our bags and go?
That would save us so much time and so many sleepless nights crying alone to sleep.
When we first meet a toxic person that all of us have warned about, we are blinded by the attention she gives us, and we think we are special because we have been chosen by all other people.
That’s such a privilege, there must be something in it! The only amazing thing is how naive we can be when we think we are really special, when in fact we are food for the worst human predators.
And although they withdraw emotionally from us, we still stay with them and wait for them to open up to us because we think we are the only ones who can change them.
But such a naive attitude can only hurt us, even though at the beginning of the relationship we hoped that we would be heroines.
Women who fall in love with Bad Boys become addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship. We become addicted to the feelings that arouse a toxic relationship in us and that may answer the question of why we are not leaving. We do not give up easily on our tendency to date Bad Boys.
We stay and we fight harder instead of leaving. And by doing so, toxic people increase our addiction through their abuse.
It seems the stronger the pain, the more addictive we become.
1. Narcissists overwhelm their victims at the beginning of the relationship with their love.
Do not get it wrong – every narcissist does that. We fall for their “you’re my soul mate” story. They all make a good impression in the beginning, and we often (and more than we should) believe the story they sell us about themselves. But none of this lasts for a long time.
Narcissists do not talk about their previous relationships, and if they did, you can quickly see that they used to have fast-changing, overlapping, and toxic relationships.
The warning signs are visible everywhere, but only if you pay attention to them. Eventually you notice these warning signs and it’s easy to spot false and empty feelings, but in most cases it’s already too late.
2. Narcissistic people make their victims feel worthless.
No one who is at peace with himself would stay with a narcissist. Narcissistic people are very aware of this and therefore they quickly try to make their victims feel less valuable.
They quickly pull other people down and alert them to every single mistake, while at the same time seeing themselves as positive. It is their way of feeling superior – they have to make any other person feel that they are less valuable. So they feed their egos because they consider themselves God’s ultimate creation.
They can not handle criticism very well and that could be one of the reasons they humiliate other people. They need to surround themselves with broken people who can not think for themselves and talk softly – that is the main reason why they humiliate other people.
And once we are under that constant influence and someone is constantly telling us that we are not good enough or that they are superior to us and we should be happy, if someone like them wants to be with someone like us, then we will catch to believe that.
We become addicted to the idea that someone better than us really wants to be with us and that’s why we stay. We stay, even though we know that we should run for our lives.
3. All narcissists make their victims afraid.
If we were not afraid of anything, how could narcissistic people then reach out to their claws? They could not do that, so they need to create that fear in us so that they can take control of us.
We are afraid to lose her. We are afraid that we will not find anyone who is better than them. It’s just that they sell themselves so well to others, constantly stating, and presenting their achievements, mostly exaggerating with everything.
The worst part is that they even believe their own lies. They have reached a professional level of being liars, so they could even convince themselves of their lies. We tend to have a better picture of them than they really are, and over time we develop the idea that they are the best there is.
That’s why we’re afraid to lose them or let them go. And that’s why we endure being treated badly the whole time.
“Relationships with narcissists are based on the hope that one day everything will improve, but there is little reason to believe that this will ever happen.” – Ramani Durvasula
Someone has to tell you – it will not give you superpowers to have a relationship with a narcissist. You can not tame the beast.
This “one day it will be better” will never happen and therefore you should better take care of yourself than this relationship.
“The narcissist uses humans, sucks their energy and throws away their empty shell.” – Sam Vaknin
At the end of the day, we have to drop our pink brile and look behind the scenes. If these people are bad and we recognize clear narcissistic patterns of behavior, then we must stop being so naive and believe that we are the only ones who can save such a person.
Narcissists do not want to change at all. Why, because they themselves do not consider themselves toxic. Nobody in the world can make them believe that something is wrong with them.
If we still want to be heroines, then we should save ourselves and go the minute we meet a person with narcissistic behavioral patterns. Because that’s the only right thing to do.