Overcoming love sickness and getting over the love of life is very hard for most people …
He has broken your heart and now it is difficult for you to get over the love of your life.
Everything seems boring and gray. It may have been weeks (or even months), but you can not free yourself from this swamp.
You can not concentrate.
You can not eat.
You can not sleep.
Even if you know that being with your ex is not the right thing for you, this knowledge does not make it any easier to get over someone because you love them dearly.
Overcome love sickness and continue with life
Whether you broke up with him or vice versa, you know that somehow this man was not right for you. It hurts. Very. But you know that to be without him is the right way for you.
Just … accepting that you have to get over the love of your life and overcome the heartache is easier said than done.
Your friends tell you that you’ll be fine soon, that you’ll overcome the heartache – but you just want to punch them in the face when they arrive with those sentences. You can not possibly understand what you’re going through … or is it?
I know that you are very focused on yourself right now, but be aware that most people have experienced heartbreak at some point and eventually overcome the heartbreak. Even if you feel like your friends can not understand you, they probably do. So let them be there for you and take care of you.
Was he really the love of your life?
Right now in this moment you can not imagine that you will ever experience a greater love than the one that is over now – whether it has taken weeks, months or years. And it is very likely that you never loved anyone more than this man.
But do not be discouraged: a bigger and better love is waiting for you. You should take time for your broken heart to heal and then reopen your heart for love.
In the early stages of lovesickness you will be overwhelmed with grief and think that this man was the love of your life and you will never find anything better. But be aware that your thoughts are twisted right now. In a way, you’re not straight-headed right now.
Take note of all your feelings, but let them flow through you instead of acting on them and desperately calling your ex to try to persuade him to start again.
You will only know later in life if he was the love of your life, if you have gained more experience and can compare it to him. But since it is over, I guess that he was not your soulmate.
So take comfort from the knowledge that the great love is still ahead of you.
14 proven steps to get over the love of your life and overcome the heartache
In order to successfully overcome the love of your life and overcome the heartache, you should follow every one of these steps that have proven effective over the years of my relationship coaching. Be patient with yourself. Things do not happen overnight, or even within a few weeks. The best you can do for yourself is to put you and your healing process first.
1. Let time do its job
Remember: Time heals all wounds.
Unfortunately, there is no fixed time frame for how long your heart needs to heal after a breakup. Some articles on the internet claim that you have to expect a month of healing for each year that you have been together, but that is not correct. Every person is different.
I also know that this part of the healing process can be frustrating, but be aware that there is nothing you can do to speed it up. Overcoming the heartache simply takes time.
What you do during this time, however, can make a difference in your healing process.
It has been found that overcoming lovesickness is actually a physical thing. Researchers at the University of Aberdeen have found that Tako-Tsubo Cardiomyopathy, or Broken Heart Syndrome, a rare disease, is caused by intense emotional or physical stress. The heart muscle is paralyzed, causing the left ventricle to change its shape. All the more reason to take care of yourself!
2. If you miss him, remember why you let him go
I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that you will miss your ex in the coming weeks at least temporarily. You will only remember the positive aspects of your relationship … and none of the negative ones.
“He could cook so well!” [And you forget what a rebellion he has done if you have not washed the dishes in HIS way.]
“I loved talking to him the whole night!” [And you ignore how he was always in a bad mood in the morning and broke quarrels with you.]
“He really loved me.” [Although most of the time he had trouble showing it.]
It can be helpful if you now keep a journal of your feelings to process them. You can write down what you miss … but you also have to be honest and talk about what you do not miss. Write down why you broke up with him (or why it’s good that he broke up with you) so that you can relate to it if you forget it.
3. Know that you will find love again
To find a new love, you also have to believe that you will find it.
I know that at the moment you want to believe that you’ve already experienced the only great love of your life, but let me tell you, that’s just not true. You have all the time in the world to find the one, the right one – and believe me, s..y confident lady: it was not him.
You can not imagine that you will ever find love again – an even greater and better love than you have ever known – but I want you to tell yourself that this will happen. It may be hard to believe right now, as you are about to overcome heartache, but it’s like positive affirmations: the more times you say it, the more you believe in it.
So, every morning, when you wash your face, I want you to look in the mirror and say aloud to yourself:
“I WILL get over this man, overcome the heartache and find a new love.”
4. Break any contact with him
Completely breaking off contact serves your own mental health, so you can focus fully on your healing.
I realize this will be really tough if you have children together. If that’s the case, make sure your communication is through text or emails, and it’s all about the logistics and aspects of parenting. If he starts pointing his finger at you, blaming you for the failure of your relationship, or trying to win you back, do not answer.
Without children, it should be easy to have no contact with each other. Remove it from your social media buddy lists. Delete his number from your cell phone (this also prevents drunken lyrics to the ex!). It’s just too easy to sift through your ex’s feed and then lose your composure when you see a picture of him with another woman; Preventing any communication and blocking contact opportunities will protect you from such incidents and help you overcome heartache more quickly.
Also tell your friends that they should not keep you informed about him if they follow him on social media.
5. Get rid of old photos, objects, gifts that remind you of him
These old memories will not help you if you want to overcome the heartache.
I know women who have memorabilia of every relationship they’ve ever had (including their first class 8th class boyfriend).
I say that has absolutely no value! It just makes sure that you dig out old memories and think about your ex.
So throw away the old band t-shirt you loved to sleep in.
Delete photos of you two from your phone.
Give away the huge teddy he gave you.
Can not you part with something that he has given you? Put it away so that it no longer comes to your eyes. If you have not thought about this item for a year, I’d like to encourage you to completely separate yourself from it if you want to overcome the heartache.
6. Take a social media break
Of course, you do not want to risk seeing photos of your ex on the profiles of common friends, but this is about focusing your attention on you. Research shows that spending a lot of time on social media can be depressing, and since you already are, it makes no sense to pour more oil on the flames.
As you learn to get over the love of your life and overcome your heartbreak, it can hurt to see others happy on Facebook or Instagram. Remember, we tend to filter our lives for social media, so it’s more than likely that none of your friends are as happy as it seems. Deleting your social media apps for a while will still help you live and appreciate what is happening around you right now.
7. Meet for dates with your friends
Who claims that dates always have to be romantic? Use this time to re-connect with your friends, with whom you may have not spent much time lately. They will want to be there for you during this difficult time and it will be a good excuse to pry up and do something together.
Instead of waiting to be in a relationship with a man who will take you to fine restaurants … just go with your best friends.
Instead of waiting for Netflix to watch the latest women’s power movie, share with your sister a huge portion of popcorn and watch it in the movies.
Make a weekly, obligatory cooking night with some of your girlfriends.
Not only will this strengthen your attachment to the people who mean something to you, but you will also have a busy schedule quickly, leaving you little time to sit at home and feel sorry for yourself.
8. Allow yourself to be sad – but do not gloat in mourning
It’s okay to have sad days … but do not let the sadness overwhelm you every day.
As you try to get over your ex and overcome the heartache, you will find that other people feel uncomfortable with your sadness. “Do not be sad,” they will tell you. There is nothing you can do about it.
I advise you: Allow your sadness. Notice that at this particular moment you sink into sadness. It will pass. Let it happen.
You do not have to pretend happiness. But in return, if you find that you are looking forward to living out your grief on the couch with a packet of handkerchiefs every night, then it’s time to do something. Consider talking with a therapist or at least with a good friend.
9. Say goodbye to the thought that you are destined for each other
This turns the curve back to my question: Was he really the love of your life? Once you spend a few weeks without him, your answer may be different than right after the breakup. Maybe you still believe that somehow, somehow, somehow, you will come together again.
Maybe this has happened before in the past. Maybe you both have split up and rallied so many times that you can not count it anymore. But that does not mean that you are meant for one another, it just means that you both made each other a habit. You probably have not taken enough time to rethink everything that goes wrong in your relationship before you get together again.
I’m reluctant to throw platitudes around me, but in this case I’ll do it anyway: If it’s supposed to, it’ll happen. But it is more than likely that it should not be and you are not destined for each other. You’re just too deep in the situation to recognize it.
See your relationship with this man as an object in the rear view mirror of your car. Right after the breakup, it’s right behind you. You can not look around it and see what else is there. But over time, as you drive down the metaphorical road of life, it gets smaller and smaller … until you barely see it. Give yourself time. It will gradually disappear from your view.
10. Do not compare yourself with others
“My friend Steffi was over her ex after a month,” you complain, “so why are you saying it’s going to take months?”
The thing is, you do not see Steffi making a chain of bad decisions about men to forget their ex (which clearly shows she’s not over him). She drinks a bottle of wine every night. She’s keeping it from her because she wants you to believe she’s okay.
It does not do it.
So stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. You have to go your own way to overcome your own lovesickness and you will need it for as long as you need. Not as long as you would like!
11. Be proud of your decision to overcome lovesickness
Especially when you have finished the relationship, you should pat yourself on the back. Not every woman has the strength to end a relationship, especially if that relationship does not have huge, obvious problems. However, you have decided not to settle for a “good enough” because you know in-depth that there is someone better out there for you.
So take a moment to reflect on the courage needed to leave the man whom you consider the love of your life. Being with him probably also had his good sides; maybe he has encouraged you to start your own business or convince you to try sushi. But you realized that these good sites were not enough to keep you in the wrong relationship, so you left them.
12. Learn from the separation
I want to encourage you to learn from everything you do about love and relationships. This includes separations. If you think about it, you probably see some things you want to avoid in future relationships. Maybe you want to behave differently with the next man also in communication.
Again, diary writing can help overcome heartache. Do not look at the relationship as something you regret, but instead find out what you have gained and how to better prepare for the next relationship.
13. Be back on the market
Uff. I know that’s probably the last piece of advice you’re about to hear, but one day you’ll be ready to go over the one whom you deeply loved.
When it comes to getting back on the floor, always remember: you have nothing to lose.
If you meet a man you are attracted to, be it online, through friends or in a café, you do not have to marry him right away. You do not even have to kiss him. You just have to find out if there is chemistry between you and if you want to spend more time getting to know him.
14. Trust your future! She will surprise you!
The day will come when you stop and realize, “I’m fine. I’m feeling really good.”
On this day you will see that your future is great and bright before you. And even if you do not know what it is or when you will meet the man who is the love of your life, that is exactly what makes it so exciting.
So let your future unfold without wanting to control it. Receive gratitude every day and live in the present.
Conclusion: How can I overcome lovesickness? How do I get over the love of my life? Slowly and carefully.
Use this time to be good to yourself.
Consider the process of overcoming lovesickness and getting over the love of your life as your graduation work from the tough school of life. It will be lousy, no question. But it will pass. Keep that in mind, even if things look bleak.
Billions of people around the world have survived lovesickness. You can choose to be sacrificed for the rest of your life and put that pain at the center of everything you do – or you can just go through it and then move away from it.
I know what I would prefer.
Be good to yourself. You’ll have days when you feel like you need to start all over again – and believe me, that’s perfectly normal. Keep an eye on the big picture and how far you have come since the split, and be aware that with each day, you’re one day closer to being whole and healed again.